


Life the Way I Thought I Wanted it

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco reflecting on what his life is like now that Voldemort has taken control of the wizarding world. Canon compliant, happens mid year 7 before the events of Malfoy Manor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life the Way I Thought I Wanted it

**Author's Note:**

> AN: this is basically what I really think went through Malfoy's head during the DH school year, or at least something to this effect. I wrote this ages ago and posted it on fanfiction.net, but decided to post it here for the heck of it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated with it, except for this lovely little piece of fanfiction. All rights go to J. K. Rowling, and to all the people she gave any rights for movie or merchandise or whatever that aren't me. So in conclusion, I do not own anything, so suing me would be unnecessary. Plus I'm poor so you wouldn't get anything out of it.

This isn't what I wanted. It isn't even close to what I imagined. When father spoke of being a Death Eater, he spoke of the glory, of the feeling of superiority, of the power. He never mentioned the pain, the humiliation, the lack of dignity. Where is the glory? Even my crazy aunt cowers before the Dark Lord. I am no better. But I'm barely seventeen, I shouldn't be expected to be any better. All Blood purity really means the Dark Lord won't kill you. He doesn't hesitate with his punishments. He doesn't care. He possesses no mercy, no love. Once I thought that was a good thing. Once I thought that was exactly what we needed to keep magical blood pure, but not anymore. My parents have turned into empty shells, nothing like their former selves. This is where our beliefs have brought us, to the feet of a sadistic madman.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have joined at all (though really, once I think about it, there really was no choice for me. I was born to be this way). Sure, I'm not even close to half as injured as the blood-traitors, but that doesn't make me feel much better. I don't want their lives hanging over my head. I've seen my aunt's work. I know what could happen if I hold my wand on someone a second too long. I could turn them as insane as the Longbottoms... or as dead as the Potters. The Carrows force us to torture them, force them to torture each other, to show them their place. I do it, because if nothing else, I've been taught to follow orders. Not following orders just leads to more pain.

Every day, I see it in their eyes. Their defiance, their determination. They won't go down easy. But they will go down. I can't see any way out of this. I'm hoping the Dark Lord doesn't win. I hope someone brings him down, but I'm not stupid enough to say so out loud. The only chance is Potter... and no one's seen him for months. He's disappeared. One can only hope he's trying to fight this, but with so many against him I wonder how he'll even survive. Not that I care if he does. I just want this to be over. I want to have my parents back, safe and whole. I want to have Hogwarts back, even if it means tolerating blood-traitors and mudbloods. This doesn't even feel like a war. There is nothing they can do to fight this off, nothing. And for the first time in my life, I find myself regretting my choice. Even if it wasn't really a choice, how I felt about it could have been different.

And right now, I'm wishing that I'd tried to run away, even if it brought me down.


End file.
